May 12

Written by: Mike Smith
5/12/2008 8:37 AM

The Scriptures tell a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. What does it look like for a husband to love his wife? Men need a plan. We need things spelled out for us. I am more worried about a husband understanding his wife than I am a wife understanding her husband. Here are four areas that a husband can focus on to communicate his love for his wife and help her perceive his love and care: Security, Romance, Emotional Intimacy, and Affirming Touch.
Security: My experience is that a wife sees the marriage as a dynamic relationship and a husband sees it as a constant. She is wanting to check the pulse of her husbands love and commitment to her. The husband sees it as a given. He thinke, "I married you. I come home to you. I chose you. I told you I loved you when I married you, if it changes I will let you know." The wife is asking, "Do you love me today? Are you attracted to me today? Would you marry me again today? Do you feel trapped in this relationship? Are you committed to me?" She might not verbalize these questions, but she is asking them and looking for answers in her husband's behavior. This means it is important for a husband to answer these questions before they are asked. He needs for his wife to know the answers before she even asks or thinks of them. So the most important part of security is relational secirity. It is important for a husband to reaffirm his love and attraction to his wife on a regular basis so she can relax and enjoy the marriage. Helping your wife feel secure in your love will help fill her emotional tank so she can be what God has called her to be in the marriage.
The other two aspects to security are physical safty and financial security. These will also add to a woman's sense of security within the marriage.

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